I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
