I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
