Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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