Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
