Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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