please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
