a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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