Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
