Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
