All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
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My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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