in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
