Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
