you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
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Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
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There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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