Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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