they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
