Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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