It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Boobs are out for the taking
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
