Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This toilet bowl is my home.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
