I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
