paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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