this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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