Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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