These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
