batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
