His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
as a side note pls kill me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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