I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
