Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
