I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
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thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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