I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
no you cant smoke seaweed
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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