I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He shit in the fireplace
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
