I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Damn victory sex feels great
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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