Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
