I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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