Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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