He is like the real live version of the state fair..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That accounts for only three of the penises
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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