I faked an abortion last night.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize