We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
