Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
