I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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