Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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