I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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