my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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