she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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