So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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