Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
