i was born a porn star she said
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
