I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
