I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
