Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I want to fling myself into the sun
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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