My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
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The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
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We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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