I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
