I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
