Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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