So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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