that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
