I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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