don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize