She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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