New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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