weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
