friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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