margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
