I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
