He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The best revenge is premature balding
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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