fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
