Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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