where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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